UTAH!

…continued from “Tales from da Hood”

My parents wanted to move our family to Orem, Utah?! I wondered what it was going to be like there. I didn’t really know what to expect. I was Mormon, and I’d heard that Orem was primarily Mormon as well. I imagined it would be a lot like a larger version of my local ward (congregation); an eclectic group of nice people who shared the same religious ideals. I would find out that Utah Valley had it’s own culture that was quite distinct from the religion I was already familiar with.

My family made the move in July of 1995. The day that we arrived was a warm and sunny. Our new house had a nice flower garden and well manicured lawn, just like the rest of the houses on the block. In fact, our house looked almost exactly the same as the other houses on the block. Children were playing on the street. Two moderately priced cars were parked in every driveway. Yes, folks, I had moved to the textbook example of suburbia.

I still remember what I was wearing that day. It was an outfit just like this:

Yes, I know. I looked like I had just walked out of the movie “Clueless”. I quickly noticed, however, that nobody else did, and I began to wonder if Utah had been invited to the 90’s. As girls my age showed up to come meet “the new girl”, I noticed that most of them were dressed super conservatively. All wore nice jeans, no holes anywhere. (What?! Hasn’t anyone heard Nirvana, or of the grunge movement?) Not only that, but the jeans were rolled up at the ankle, so all could see their nice clean white socks. Shirts were ironed and tucked in. There were an inordinate amount of blondes. I might as well have been in a foreign country.

The move was difficult for me to adjust to for awhile. Utah Valley (the valley and community that Orem is located in), like most places had it’s share of quirks. My new school was filled with seemingly impenetrable cliques. At first, the girls seemed gossipy and self-righteous, and the boys were unfriendly.

There were other things to get used to as well:

UTAH FOOD

The local food can be summed up in one word: “mushy”. There are lots of casseroles made with cream of mushroom soup, jellos filled with canned fruit chunks, fruit and pasta salads held together with loads of mayo. People are even prouder if it was made in a dutch oven. Meat and potatoes are staples. (The food in Utah drives my husband crazy, as he’s originally from Mexico City. He thinks Utah’s mushy food is characteristic of American food in general. I can’t wait to take him to eat in Manhattan or Houston so I can restore American food’s honor.)

POLITICS IN UTAH

I won’t go in depth into Utah politics, but politically,my husband and I often feel like this:

Yes, Utah Valley has been described by some as being in the “reddest” county in the “reddest” state. Despite this, Utah isn’t home to super “hardcore republicans.” Most tend to be moderately conservative, it just so happens that there’s a LOT of them in one place.

LANGUAGE IN UTAH

While there wasn’t as big as a difference in dialect as if I moved to The South, or Australia, there was still some language differences. A shocked Utahn might utter “Oh my heck!”. A mad Utahn might say:”That fetchin tard!” A Utahn who thought something was cute might say “Fer Cuuuute!” The words “mountain” and “water” lost their t’s. Italian was sometimes said “eye-talian”. For some “creek” was pronounced “crick”. The days of the week for an older Utahn were “Mondee, Tuesdee, Wensdee,” and so on. “ditching school” was replaced with “sluffing school”. When a Utahn was given a “dirty look” by someone else, it was said that the person had just given them a “crusty” (I’m not sure how widespread that phrase is, it may have been only in my neighborhood). I was first introduced to the words: “hick”, “molly” (as a derogatory term), and “scones” in Utah. The word “crap” wasn’t considered a swear word, but I could no longer call someone a “bastard” without getting in trouble at school.

HOUSES IN UTAH

Like most of suburbia, there are lots of cookie cutter neighborhoods in Utah Valley.

UTAH VALLEY ART

Utah Valley’s arts are lacking to say the least. Paintings are usually very cheesy and contrived. Lots of flowerey landscapes, old fashioned dressed children playing with puppies, and religious themes are found framed in Utah homes. Many homes are decorated in a “country crafty” theme. A wooden teddy bear holding a sign that says “Have a Beary Merry Christmas!” is something you might find displayed on a Utah Valley porch. Thank goodness an IKEA just went in not too far away.

I think that this tradition dates back to when pioneers settled the valley. Since they had left all that they owned back east, they probably had to get creative and make their own decor from wood scraps. The ironic thing is that it has become a profitable business in Utah Valley, and all these “homemade” crafts are ridiculously overpriced.

(I may have been too harsh on Utah Valley’s arts. I confess that my tastes are “out there” for most people as I prefer stuff more like this:)

I have been living in Utah for 12 years now. I slowly began to fall in love with this quirky state. I eventually penetrated the cliques and made the best friends I’ve ever had. (Summer lived across the street.) Utah Valley is frequently placed in the top ten safest places in the U.S., and it’s a wonderful place to raise a toddler. Also, even if the art scene seemed lacking at first, I realized that Utah has some of the best “natural art” found anywhere.

And who knows, maybe Utah will become architecture, art, music, or fashion’s next headquarters?

Well, probably not.