Martha?

I gave in to social pressure a week ago, and signed up for a facebook account. Friends and family members were quickly added to my list of “facebook friends”, and I had fun comparing movie tastes, political preferences, etc.

Then, a few days ago, I decided to check my email while I was working on a little project. I had gotten a notification from facebook that I had been nominated by a friend for a superlative. It said I had been nominated as “Most Likely to be the Next Martha Stewart.”

I thought to myself: “Martha Stewart?! I’m not crafty!” But then I looked down at the unfinished project I had in my lap at the moment. It was a wreath. I was making a homemade wreath, people! I really don’t know how much more “Martha-esque” you can get than wreath-making.

Wreath making aside, I’m really not a lot like Martha Stewart. For example, I have no idea what framboise ganache is. In fact, I am a nuisance and a danger to human, pet, & plant life in the kitchen. I set off the smoke alarm when I’m cooking on a regular basis. Once, I even burned ramen. (In my defense, I was in high school, and I was talking to a cute boy on the phone and kinda forgot I had put anything on the stove in the first place. That is, until I saw the plume of smoke.)

For another example, this is what I imagine Martha’s herb garden to look like:

This is what my herb garden looks like:

You get the idea.

Anyway, a day later, I talked to the friend who had nominated me for the superlative in the first place. He said that he had accidentally selected the wrong superlative. *phew* What he meant to nominate me for was: “Most likely to Get Tasered and End Up on CNN”. Ohhhh. Now that makes more sense.

Fonts that Burn My Eyeballs

Somewhat recently, I saw that a friend was insulted by random commenter for using a particular font in their blog. They don’t know it, but their little exchange of words is my fault. You see, I’m an design major and aspiring graphic artist. I took a semester long typography class in college, and I loved it (I KNOW I’m a dork), and I even worked as a full time typesetter for a sign company for awhile. In other words, I know an embarrassing amount about fonts. Anyway, the point is, is that I want to be the friend who will tell you that you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe, before everyone else sees it. So in that spirit:

Meisha’s Guide to Fonts that Make Me Vomit

1. PAPYRUS

Papyrus is WAY overused. While it’s more acceptable if it’s used ONLY in titles or headers, it is a bonafide sin to use it in text. The problem with the font is that it is really hard to read, even if it’s big. Also, it looks like it’s anorexic.

If you need to use a decorative font that looks chipped or antique opt for something more like these.

2. COMIC SANS

Comic Sans may be the most hated font by designers in the world. In fact, there is a whole website devoted to banning comic sans. The problem with it is that it is severely over used and misused. Often people will use it for something that is supposed to be taken seriously when it’s meant to look like something that would be used in a comic strip. Even for use in a comic strip, it’s still one of the uglier choices.
If you need a font for a comic strip, or just something that looks “friendly”, try one of these.

3. HOBO

Hobo isn’t as widely used as Papyrus or Comic Sans, but it’s on the list because it’s so ugly. I think it was based off fonts from either the sixties or the twenties, but to me, it looks like helvetica in a clown suit.

If you feel the urge to use Hobo in something that needs a retro font, try one of these instead.

4. BRUSHSCRIPT

Brushscript became popular back when it was one of the more unique looking fonts that came with your PC. It looks like something that belongs across a sports jersey, and therefore has very few practical uses. Also, people tend to use it when they really need a fancy looking font. However, the worst offense by far, is when people type it in an all caps, thus rendering it almost impossible to read.

Here is a site that shows examples of nice “brush scripts”.

5. CURLZ

I’ll admit it, when I first saw Curlz, I thought it was cute. However after awhile, looking at too many words typed in Curlz is like eating pink cotton candy for every meal. It’s sickeningly sweet and hard on the eyes. Try to keep Curlz to a minimum. Maybe only in headers that say things like “It’s A Girl” or “I Love Cotton Candy”. (The same goes for fonts like these, too.)

While there are many brilliant designers out there that know more about typography than me, I understand that most people don’t know anything about it. That’s OK, everyone has their own interests and hobbies, and I don’t mean for this post to offend or embarrass (really! Please don’t be offended!). My wardrobe is a fashionista’s nightmare, and anyone who is a dance major might die on the spot if they saw me dance. (This list could go on longer, but you get the idea.)
What fonts do you like and dislike? (Go ahead and share, even if one of your favorites is one of the ones listed above.)

In your area of expertise, what are some pet peeves you have that the rest of us do?